


I Will Carry You

by All_The_Legends_Are_True



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Angst, Fluffy Ending, Hurt Magnus Bane, Insecure Magnus Bane, I’m sorry for this, Like fr this is the angstiest fic I’ve ever written..., Love, M/M, Protective Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_The_Legends_Are_True/pseuds/All_The_Legends_Are_True
Summary: * Inspired by Ruelle’s ‘Carry You’ ft. Fleurie *An alternate scene to 3x17:After losing his magic, Magnus had bottled up his real feelings for far too long, until he couldn’t anymore. Alec comes home and finds something terrifying.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Malec - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 102
Collections: Favorite Malec Stories





	I Will Carry You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, it’s been a while! I’ve been contemplating making this one shot for a long time now and honestly, I’m happy I did. This fic is based off the song “Carry You” by Ruelle ft. Fleurie. 
> 
> I remember when this song was announced to be used in the show and we all thought it was to be used for Malec, however it was used for sizzy. It was a beautiful scene but I thought I’d write a fic that expresses how a scene would go were this song to be used during an alternate 3x17 breakdown scene.
> 
> Another note to add, is that in this version, Magnus never went to Lorenzo to have his magic returned, and therefore, nor did he lose his apartment!
> 
> Please feel free to listen to the song as you read as I feel it perfectly embodies what I tried to bring to life in this fic!

Alec smiled softly to himself as he jogged up the stairs towards Magnus’ apartment. In one hand he held a bag of Chinese takeout; the one from the small family restaurant that Magnus loved taking Alec to. In the other hand, he had a fancy bottle of champagne.

  
  


Alec had never been much of a drinker, however he would be lying if Magnus’ extravagant lifestyle hadn’t caused him to enjoy trying different drinks now and again. After all, Magnus was a pro at concocting new drinks. 

Tonight however, rather than having Magnus make drinks or dragging him to the restaurant, Alec decided that tonight they would spend the night in, with everything already prepared. Magnus had been having a hard time over the past week or so... in fact, hard was putting it lightly. 

Losing his magic had certainly taken a huge toll on him, and tonight he wanted to make Magnus forget about the trauma and enjoy a night together where they could only focus on each other and forget about all the troubles.

He didn’t want to  _avoid_ the conversation that would be upcoming. The one where Magnus would finally admit that losing his magic had been too much for him. He just wanted to wait for the right time first. A time where Magnus wasn’t on edge as much as he already was. A time where it hopefully wouldn’t end up in an argument. 

At the same time though, Alec was willing to do anything to get Magnus to admit he was struggling. He had bottled up his emotions plenty of times before, and opening up had always helped him move forward. He just wanted to be there for him.

He made it to Magnus’ floor and casually strode over to the door. He was excited to surprise his boyfriend, and hoped that he was doing the right thing for Magnus. He was about to open the door when he heard a smash from inside. 

All feeling of excitement drained from Alec, and it was suddenly replaced with worry. He quickly placed the food on the floor and summoned his bow and quiver. With extreme caution, he slowly opened the door.

He was met with something that could only be described as a scene from a movie. Shattered glass painted the ground, along with alcohol staining the rugs. Some of Magnus’ most valuable and ancient books had been flung across the room, some now completely ruined by the alcohol. It looked like someone had raided the entire apartment.

Alec’s worry immediately turned to fear.  _Magnus_ . 

He tiptoed around the glass, trying to remain quiet in case the culprit was still in the house. He did a sweep of the bedrooms, the bathrooms and the balcony, there was no one there, just more mess. He walked into his office and was met with even more disaster. 

All of Magnus’ potions and brewery equipment had been destroyed. All of his hard work, some of it was centuries old. He had also noticed that many of the books that had been thrown around the apartment were related to magic in some way. 

He was about to call out for Magnus when he heard something else smash in the kitchen. 

_ ‘ They’re still here _ .’ He thought to himself. 

He decided to swap the bow for his seraph blade, and carefully made his way towards the doorway. What he was met with, was probably the most heartbreaking sight he had ever come across.

Not a single inch of the kitchen floor was not covered in either alcohol or glass, much like the living area, however food and cutlery has also been thrown around. That wasn’t what broke his heart however; it was the sight of a broken warlock crouched in a fetal position on the ground, sobbing silently to himself with an almost empty bottle of whisky in his hand.

He was utterly disheveled. His make-up had been ruined by his own tears, leaving trails of black eyeliner running down his cheeks, along with smudged mascara and eyeshadow. His hair was messy, likely from tugging at it out of frustration during his breakdown. Some of his clothes had been partially ripped from what was most likely shards of glass. On top of that, he seemed utterly unaware of Alec’s presence. It was like he was an empty shell.

A single tear fell from Alec’s eyes, he was trying his hardest to keep it together, but seeing the love of his life like that... it was almost impossible. The Nephilim swallowed down the lump in his throat, and he quietly put away his seraph blade. He tried to make his way through the clutter to his boyfriend, who still hadn’t shown any sign of acknowledgement towards Alec. 

It wasn’t until the latter had crouched down and rested his hand on the Warlock’s knee that he finally made eye-contact. His eyes seemed to widen ever so slightly,but he didn’t speak.

“Magnus?” Alec spoke quietly and gently. 

All he got in response was a soft sniffle, as the older man tried to wipe away his tears. He was quickly stopped by Alec’s hand, pushing his arm away from his face. He then used his free hand to cup his cheek, and used his thumb to caress it.

“What are yo-“ He stopped himself, unable to finish due to the lump in his throat, and took a deep breath. “Mags, are you okay?”

“No.” Magnus spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “I lost my magic, Alexander, my immortality. Of course I’m not okay.”

Alec bowed his head slightly, trying to stop himself from crying for the millionth time in the past minute. He took a second to compose himself and looked back up.

“Magnus, I know you’re struggling, and I-“

“Struggling? Is that what you want to call it, Alexander?” He asked with a forced laugh. “Do you understand what it’s like to lose a part of yourself? To lose your  _ lifeline _ ?!”

The Warlock brought the bottle to his mouth, and started to chug it. Alec was quick to try and grab the bottle and take it away from him, however Magnus was faster and moved the bottle out of his reach.

“Magnus _please_! Stop.” He shouted, his voice breaking in the process.

For the first time, Magnus looked at him,  really looked at him. It wasn’t an empty stare this time. He looked into Alec’s eyes, and saw tears flooding -threatening to fall at any moment. He kept looking at him for a few seconds before slowly handing the bottle over to him, looking down in an attempt to avoid eye-contact.

Alec put the bottle aside and brought his attention immediately back to his boyfriend, who was now fiddling with his jacket. Alec used his index finger and thumb to tilt Magnus’ head back up so that they were once again making eye-contact. 

“No. I don’t know what it’s like to have a part of you taken away. I don’t know what it’s like tolose your lifeline, but I do know what it’s like to  _ almost _ lose those things. You, Magnus. I nearly lost you on multiple occasions and I-“ he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat again, this time to fail and have several tears fall. “I don’t think I could cope losing them. I know that’s selfish. I need you to try and believe me when I say that I will do  _ everything _ in my power to get your magic back. Whatever the cost.”

“You don’t mean tha-“

“I do. I will do whatever it takes to make sure you feel whole again, Mags. I love you and seeing you so broken it’s- it’s breaking me too.” Alec finished with a whisper. 

“ _Alexander_...”

“I need you to talk to me. I’m so scared of what you might do if you keep suppressing your feelings. Please.”

Magnus could see the desperation in his face. The fear and the love he had for him. It was unbelievable that someone could show so much emotion just with a stare. He hated showing weakness, but he knew that Alec was right.

“I just... I feel so empty, Alexander.” He whimpered. “I’ve lived for centuries and my magic was always there, I could always feel it pulsating through my veins. But when my father removed it, it was like a part of my soul was taken with it, and I feel nothing. No magic, no power. I feel weak.”

More tears fell, and Alec couldn’t help but pull Magnus into his arms and hold him close as he cried. He gently stroked his hair and pressed his lips to his forehead. 

They stayed like that for a while, until the tears began to subside again. Magnus didn’t remove himself from Alec’s hold however, so the latter just decided to continue talking like this.

“Magnus, how can you call yourself weak? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. Everything you have survived, everything you’ve overcome... you inspire me more and more everyday, Mags.” Alec said. “And besides, it’s not like you can’t kick ass without magic right? Remember our training session the other week?”

Magnus laughed genuinely at that, and in that moment, it was the most beautiful sound Alec had ever heard. 

“I did kick your ass that day.” He muttered. 

“I know it’s been hard, and I- I didn’t stop to think of just how much this had affected you. I’m sorry, but I promise that we’re gonna get through this  together.”

Magnus smiled at him, it didn’t seem forced in the sense that he didn’t believe him, though it did seem forced in the sense that he was too exhausted to smile fully.

“Listen, why don’t I run you a bath? You can clean yourself up and I can put our bedding in the wash to make sure there’s no glass in the sheets?” Alec suggested, still stroking his hair.

“No, Alexander this isn’t your mess... you don’t have to-“

“I want to.” The Shadowhunter quickly butted in. He stood up and pulled the Warlock up with him. Taking his hand, they walked out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom.

***

Alec wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Magnus had got in the bath. He had ran the bath and added the Warlock’s favourite essential oils, and left him to it so that he could wash the bedding and make a start on cleaning the apartment.

He heard the bedroom door slide open and saw his boyfriend stand in the doorway with a towel around his waist. His eyes were heavy, and also baggy, which was to be expected as he was intoxicated and exhausted from him breakdown earlier.

“Mags don’t step out here, there’s still small glass shards that I need to vacuum up, I don’t want you to cut your feet.”

Magnus scoffed and raised his hands, showing small cuts all over them. “My hands are already cut, why not my feet too?” He joked, trying to make light of the situation. “And besides, I’m wearing slippers.”

Alec chuckled and walked over to him, placing a chaste kiss to his forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better, though the room is still spinning and I feel like I’ve cried enough to flood a village.”

“You need sleep.” Alec muttered against his forehead.

Magnus huffed and looked up at his boyfriend with a pout. “Come to bed with me?” He asked holding his hand out.

Alec grinned, and took his hand briefly to kiss his palm. “You go ahead, I wanna finish up here first, I’ll join you in an hour or two.”

“How am I supposed to sleep knowing my boyfriend is cleaning  _ my _ mess?”

“You’ve had plenty of alcohol, I think you’ll be either asleep or passed out within the next ten minutes.” Alec replied with a smile. “I’ll even put a bucket by the bed in case you need to throw up.”

“Ruining the moment, Lightwood.”

“It’s what I do best, Bane.”

***

Another two hours passed before Alec had finally cleared up all of the glass and the alcohol that had not been absorbed into the rugs nor had dried up yet. He saved as many books as he could, though some were beyond repair. Rather than throw them away, he decided to place them aside in the hopes that Catarina could do something to fix them. Other than some wine stains, he had practically sorted the apartment back to its original form.

He let out a sigh of relief as he returned to the bedroom and found Magnus laid peacefully in bed. He undressed himself and climbed in, gently encircling his arms around the warlock. 

It was moments like these that he had missed. The moments where he could come to bed knowing there was nothing being hidden between them. Where they were both completely open with each other and there wasn’t a sense of tension in the air. 

Magnus seemed much more relaxed after opening up, though there was still so much more they had to talk about. He knew this was far from over, and that it would be a long time before Magnus would find complete happinessagain, but they had options for that. Long talks, counselling sessions,  _ shit _ , he’d even go straight to Edom to confront Asmodeus and get his magic back if he had to. All he wanted was for Magnus to smile the way he used to again.

He was sure that the warlock was asleep until Magnus suddenly turned into Alec’s hold and nestled into his side, his head resting atop his chest, with his arm splayed across his belly.

“Thank you, Alexander.” He mumbled sleepily.

“For what?” Alec responded.

“For taking cafe of me.” The Warlock answered. “I truly don’t deserve you.”

“I love you, Magnus, of course I care. And whoever has ever made you feel that you aren’t worthy of that can come and find me, I’ll be ready.” Alec whispered, receiving a chuckle in response to his delight. “Now get some sleep.”

Magnus nuzzled his head further to get more comfortable, and the room went silent once again for a few moments.

“Alexander?” Came a soft whisper from the older man once again.

“Hmm?”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know your thoughts? It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, so I accept that I’ve likely lost some writing skill, though I’m actually quite proud of this fic.
> 
> Twitter: TaesMalec  
> YouTube: MagicXMultifandom


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